where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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