He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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