trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
