I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
