Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize