I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
