I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
