Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if only i could text you this smell
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize