I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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