so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
