McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
