he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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