Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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