the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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