dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I would ride that face into the sunset
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
