I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
