im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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