; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
