There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
