I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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