I'm drive I can fine osifer
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Text me some of your sweat
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
