the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
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In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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