Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
