she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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