i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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