I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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