the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
