I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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