It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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