so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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