Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize