He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
