If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
