ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
