What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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