At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
