After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
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