if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
