he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
