so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My pussy is not your playground.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
