where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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