Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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