I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
