Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize