I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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