Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The Olympian is in my bed
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
