o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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