My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
