6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
