I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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