Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
