I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
