i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
