i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
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Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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