I think I died a long time ago.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
