My friends, they love my intelligence
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
whose parrot is this?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
