But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
