Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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