I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
