I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
