The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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