Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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