We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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