if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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