happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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