If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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