Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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