also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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