saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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