I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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