textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
