I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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