I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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