im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
