Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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