fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
